托福寫(xiě)作：你的托福文章跑題了嗎
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托福寫(xiě)作：你的托福文章跑題了嗎?
對(duì)于托福寫(xiě)作來(lái)說(shuō)，一個(gè)普通學(xué)生想要沖刺高分，最為重要的還是要遵循官方給出的評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，我們看評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)對(duì)觀點(diǎn)的要求是什么呢?ETS給出的關(guān)鍵詞是：在structure中，做到unity(統(tǒng)一性)，progression(漸進(jìn)性)，coherence(連貫性)，這個(gè)基本上就概括了對(duì)題目解析的大體要求。這三個(gè)關(guān)鍵詞怎么體現(xiàn)在一篇具體的托福文章中呢?我們來(lái)逐一解析。
一、 Unity統(tǒng)一性
什么叫統(tǒng)一性呢?就是文章中的理由是不是能很好的支持文章中的立場(chǎng)，展開(kāi)部分的幾個(gè)分論點(diǎn)是不是緊扣第一段的觀點(diǎn)，而且寫(xiě)到最后重申立場(chǎng)時(shí)，有沒(méi)有發(fā)生偏差，有沒(méi)有做到首尾呼應(yīng)。拿一道托福真題來(lái)做例子：
Money is the most important aspect in a job. 錢(qián)是工作中最重要的部分。
題目是最常見(jiàn)的問(wèn)同意不同意，有的同學(xué)上來(lái)就說(shuō)我同意，然后論證，第一段錢(qián)很重要，能讓我們獲得物質(zhì)滿(mǎn)足，第二段錢(qián)很重要，能給我們帶來(lái)社會(huì)認(rèn)同感，然后寫(xiě)著寫(xiě)著到第三段可能是寫(xiě)到后來(lái)實(shí)在找不到點(diǎn)兒了，沒(méi)有話說(shuō)了，也可能是時(shí)間不夠?qū)懨院?，開(kāi)始論證“可是錢(qián)買(mǎi)不到快樂(lè)，而快樂(lè)也是很重要的?！比缓蟮贸鲆粋€(gè)結(jié)論，錢(qián)買(mǎi)不來(lái)快樂(lè)，快樂(lè)也很重要。這樣我們可以明顯看出來(lái)，這位同學(xué)找出的第三個(gè)觀點(diǎn)和結(jié)尾段都背離了開(kāi)頭段的觀點(diǎn)，違背了統(tǒng)一性的原則。而這個(gè)錯(cuò)誤，幾乎是考場(chǎng)有限時(shí)間高度緊張時(shí)最容易犯的錯(cuò)誤。
二、Progression漸進(jìn)性
第二個(gè)，漸進(jìn)性，也就是論點(diǎn)之間要有遞進(jìn)關(guān)系，找出的論點(diǎn)要避免交叉重合，而且各個(gè)論點(diǎn)避免同一層面的反復(fù)論證。還拿剛才那道真題來(lái)說(shuō)。有的同學(xué)會(huì)給出這樣一個(gè)思路：
開(kāi)頭：同意，錢(qián)是最重要的。
第一段：錢(qián)可以滿(mǎn)足衣食住行的需求;
第二段：錢(qián)可以買(mǎi)衣服，鞋子，車(chē)或者奢侈品。
結(jié)尾：錢(qián)最重要，可以買(mǎi)一切想買(mǎi)的。
我們看這個(gè)同學(xué)雖然找出了三個(gè)點(diǎn)，可是問(wèn)題出現(xiàn)在這三個(gè)點(diǎn)都是在物質(zhì)需求的層面反復(fù)論證。比如我們加一個(gè)，錢(qián)可以讓我們獲得社會(huì)認(rèn)同感，實(shí)現(xiàn)自我價(jià)值，可以讓我們旅游，看歌劇，出國(guó)學(xué)習(xí)充電，這都涉及到了精神滿(mǎn)足，就有了遞進(jìn)性，會(huì)比較符合評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的要求，而且這樣多幾個(gè)層面，也比較容易展開(kāi)，有話可說(shuō)。
三、Coherence連貫性
第三點(diǎn)，連貫性，這個(gè)包括兩個(gè)方面，在寫(xiě)的內(nèi)容上要有一條清楚的邏輯線，最忌諱東拉西扯的湊字?jǐn)?shù)，滿(mǎn)篇都找不到點(diǎn)，要做到這個(gè)呢，在形式上最好用一些很明顯的邏輯連接詞，將句與句，段與段銜接在一起，讓判卷老師也能迅速的找到點(diǎn)，比如最簡(jiǎn)單的firstly, in addition, finally, according to, consequently，in contrast, 這樣不管是遞進(jìn)，因果還是對(duì)比，都有個(gè)清晰的線順下來(lái)。
托福寫(xiě)作中常犯的十個(gè)錯(cuò)誤
1、不一致(Disagreements)
所謂不一致不光指主謂不一致，它還包括了數(shù)的不一致時(shí)態(tài)不一致及代詞不一致等。
例1. When one have money, he can do what he want to.(人一旦有了錢(qián)，他就能想干什么就干什么。)
剖析：one是單數(shù)第三人稱(chēng)，因而本句的have應(yīng)改為has;同理want應(yīng)改為wants。本句是典型的主謂不一致。
改為：Once one has money, he can do what he wants(to do).
2、修飾語(yǔ)錯(cuò)位(Misplaced Modifiers)
英語(yǔ)與漢語(yǔ)不同，同一個(gè)修飾語(yǔ)置于句子不同的位置，句子的含義可能引起變化。對(duì)于這一點(diǎn)中國(guó)學(xué)生往往沒(méi)有引起足夠的重視，因而造成了不必要的誤解。
例1. I believe I can do it well and I will better know the world outside the campus.
剖析：better位置不當(dāng)，應(yīng)置于句末。
3、句子不完整(Sentence Fragments)
在口語(yǔ)中，交際雙方可借助手勢(shì)語(yǔ)氣上下文等，不完整的句子完全可以被理解。可是書(shū)面語(yǔ)就不同了，句子結(jié)構(gòu)不完整會(huì)令意思表達(dá)不清，這種情況常常發(fā)生在主句寫(xiě)完以后，筆者又想加些補(bǔ)充說(shuō)明時(shí)發(fā)生。
例1. There are many ways to know the society. For example by TV, radio, newspaper and so on.
剖析：本句后半部分“for example by TV, radio, newspaper and so on.”不是一個(gè)完整的句子，僅為一些不連貫的詞語(yǔ)，不能獨(dú)立成句。
改為：There are many ways to know society, for example, by TV, radio, and newspaper.
4、懸垂修飾語(yǔ)(Dangling Modifiers)
所謂懸垂修飾語(yǔ)是指句首的短語(yǔ)與后面句子的邏輯關(guān)系混亂不清。例如：At the age of ten，my grandfather died. 這句中“at the age of ten” 只點(diǎn)出十歲時(shí)，但沒(méi)有說(shuō)明“誰(shuí)”十歲時(shí)。按一般推理不可能是my grandfather，如果我們把這個(gè)懸垂修飾語(yǔ)改明確一點(diǎn)，全句就不那么費(fèi)解了。
改為：When I was ten, my grandfather died.
例1. To do well in college, good grades are essential.
剖析：句中不定式短語(yǔ)“to do well in college”的邏輯主語(yǔ)不清楚。
改為：To do well in college, a student needs good grades.
5、詞性誤用(Misuse of Parts of Speech)
“詞性誤用”常表現(xiàn)為：介詞當(dāng)動(dòng)詞用;形容詞當(dāng)副詞用;名詞當(dāng)動(dòng)詞用等。
例1. None can negative the importance of money.
剖析：negative系形容詞，誤作動(dòng)詞。
改為：None can deny the importance of money.
6、指代不清(Ambiguous Reference of Pronouns)
指代不清主要講的是代詞與被指代的人或物關(guān)系不清，或者先后所用的代詞不一致。試看下面這一句：Mary was friendly to my sister because she wanted her to be her bridesmaid.(瑪麗和我姐姐很要好，因?yàn)樗鏊陌槟铩?
讀完上面這一句話，讀者無(wú)法明確地判斷兩位姑娘中誰(shuí)將結(jié)婚，誰(shuí)將當(dāng)伴娘。如果我們把易于引起誤解的代詞的所指對(duì)象加以明確，意思就一目了然了。這個(gè)句子可改為：Mary was friendly to my sister because she wanted my sister to be her bridesmaid.
例1. And we can also know the society by serving it yourself.
剖析：句中人稱(chēng)代詞we和反身代詞yourself指代不一致。
改為：We can also know society by serving it ourselves.
7、不間斷句子(Run-on Sentences)
什么叫run-on sentence?請(qǐng)看下面的例句。
例1. There are many ways we get to know the outside world.
剖析：這個(gè)句子包含了兩層完整的意思：“There are many ways.”以及“We get to know the outside world.”。簡(jiǎn)單地把它們連在一起就不妥當(dāng)了。
改為：There are many ways for us to learn about the outside world. 或 There are many ways through which we can become acquainted with the outside world.
8、措詞毛病(Troubles in Diction)
Diction是指在特定的句子中如何適當(dāng)?shù)剡x用詞語(yǔ)的問(wèn)題，學(xué)生在寫(xiě)作中沒(méi)有養(yǎng)成良好的推敲，斟酌的習(xí)慣。他們往往隨心所欲，拿來(lái)就用。所以作文中用詞不當(dāng)?shù)腻e(cuò)誤比比皆是。
例1. The increasing use of chemical obstacles in agriculture also makes pollution.(農(nóng)業(yè)方面化學(xué)物質(zhì)使用的不斷增加也造成了污染。)
剖析：顯然，考生把obstacles“障礙”“障礙物”誤作substance“物質(zhì)”了。另外“the increasing use(不斷增加的使用)” 應(yīng)改為“abusive use(濫用)”。
改為：The abusive use of chemical substances in agriculture also causes/leads to pollution.
9、累贅(Redundancy)
言以簡(jiǎn)潔為貴。寫(xiě)句子沒(méi)有一個(gè)多余的詞;寫(xiě)段落沒(méi)有一個(gè)無(wú)必要的句子。能用單詞的不用詞組;能用詞組的不用從句或句子。如：In spite of the fact that he is lazy，I like him.
本句的“the fact that he is lazy”系同謂語(yǔ)從句，我們按照上述“能用詞組的不用從句”。
可以改為：In spite of his laziness, I like him.
例1. For the people who are diligent and kind, money is just the thing to be used to buy the thing they need.
剖析：整個(gè)句子可以大大簡(jiǎn)化。
改為：Diligent, caring people use money only to buy what they need.
10、不連貫(Incoherence)
不連貫是指一個(gè)句子前言不對(duì)后語(yǔ)，或是結(jié)構(gòu)上不暢通。這也是考生常犯的毛病。
例1. The fresh water, it is the most important things of the earth.
剖析：The fresh water與逗號(hào)后的it不連貫。It與things在數(shù)方面不一致。
改為：Fresh water is the most important thing in the world.
托福寫(xiě)作如何從細(xì)節(jié)中找到觀點(diǎn)
托福寫(xiě)作經(jīng)驗(yàn)認(rèn)為對(duì)此辦法就是要善于聯(lián)想到一些具體的事實(shí)、具體的例證以及具體的現(xiàn)象。比如說(shuō)，要談?wù)撾娨暪?jié)目這一話題，可以聯(lián)想到新聞聯(lián)播，并由此想到它讓人們開(kāi)闊視野，了解世界，但有人覺(jué)得話題太熟悉了，反而一時(shí)說(shuō)不出什么來(lái)。
資深外教老師上課，深入講解托福口語(yǔ)話題;熟練使用地道口語(yǔ)用此及常用句型;掌握口語(yǔ)應(yīng)對(duì)技巧。對(duì)托福口語(yǔ)考題進(jìn)行梳理，對(duì)獨(dú)立口語(yǔ)及綜合口語(yǔ)部分進(jìn)行有針對(duì)性的訓(xùn)練和講解，幫助學(xué)生在考場(chǎng)避免常見(jiàn)錯(cuò)誤。訓(xùn)練聽(tīng)寫(xiě)能力，加強(qiáng)筆記記錄訓(xùn)練。
其實(shí)，托福寫(xiě)作題目一般是永恒的話題，在任何時(shí)候都可以討論;或?yàn)楫?dāng)代話題，讓所有的人都會(huì)有話可說(shuō)。題目是公平的，絕對(duì)不會(huì)讓某一專(zhuān)業(yè)的考生有特別的優(yōu)勢(shì)。
所以，考生一定能聯(lián)想起具體細(xì)小的事情，再形成觀點(diǎn)。把看得見(jiàn)摸得著的事物帶來(lái)的思考變成作文里的分支觀點(diǎn)，具體細(xì)節(jié)內(nèi)容變成證據(jù)。這樣就不擔(dān)心托福作文字?jǐn)?shù)不足了，這不失為一種很好的策略。例如，“計(jì)算機(jī)的利與弊”這個(gè)話題似乎太大，但是可能想到的具體的現(xiàn)象是小孩、學(xué)生要在計(jì)算機(jī)前玩計(jì)算機(jī)游戲。由此帶來(lái)的思考是，這些學(xué)生整天呆在那里對(duì)他們的頭腦是有害的(harmful to their minds)，并且浪費(fèi)大量時(shí)間(waste a lot of time)。
由此，當(dāng)頭腦出現(xiàn)空白時(shí)，應(yīng)該將具體的、細(xì)小的、瑣碎的、微不足道的事物所引發(fā)的思考變成觀點(diǎn)，再進(jìn)行論述。這種定式思維的形成需要多下工夫。從無(wú)話可說(shuō)到有話可說(shuō)，下面的例子讓人不無(wú)啟發(fā)：在多種場(chǎng)合下，經(jīng)常要?dú)g迎領(lǐng)導(dǎo)講幾句話。領(lǐng)導(dǎo)往往首先開(kāi)口說(shuō)：同志們(大家)好，我利用這個(gè)機(jī)會(huì)講三句話。接著講第一句話時(shí)，腦子里不知道第二句話是什么，講第二句時(shí)，根本就沒(méi)想第三句要說(shuō)什么。但他最終說(shuō)了三句話，以“謝謝大家”結(jié)束講話。“領(lǐng)導(dǎo)講話1、2、 3”成了一種定式，他總能找到有關(guān)內(nèi)容講幾點(diǎn)，這種功夫是長(zhǎng)期磨煉的結(jié)果，寫(xiě)作文也一樣，平時(shí)需要多多練習(xí)這種思維。
托福獨(dú)立寫(xiě)作范文：農(nóng)業(yè)食物給持續(xù)增長(zhǎng)的人口VS破壞環(huán)境
托福寫(xiě)作題目：Modern agriculture methods damage the environment, but providing food for the growing population around the world is more important than protecting the environment.(養(yǎng)活人口重要還是保護(hù)環(huán)境重要?)
托福寫(xiě)作參考范文：
Modern agriculture methods like the use of pesticides and artificial fertilizers are widely used around the world. Along with such brings forth negative effects. The most obvious and detrimental impact of modern agriculture methods is environmental degradation. Many people believe that the environmental risks should not be taken into consideration since many people are suffering from the lack of food. I certainly disagree with this.
To begin with, despite the fact that there are people who suffer from starvation, the reason is not because of the lack of food. As a matter of fact, tons of grains and corns are wasted every year. If the government and the general public really care about starving people, they should have enough ability and adequate materials to offer help. People suffer just because of bad management, worldwide corruption, and terrible indifference. So there is no need to destroy wilderness areas or use environmentally-damaging agricultural methods to increase productivity. The world nowadays has more food than we need. As long as corruption and bad management are eradicated, the world would see less people starving.
Besides, the statement asserts that providing food for a growing number of people is more urgent than the protection of environment. I find this statement totally unconvincing. People’s survival depends on the environment. More often than not, whenever the environment gets damaged, the deleterious effects are always irreversible. In other words, once the environment on which we depend on is disrupted, our lives are placed at risk. Modern agriculture, although it provides enough food, has contaminated the water and soil. When people eat crops grown with polluted water and soil, diseases will break out sooner or later. Genetically modified crops, although their negative effects are not obvious and not yet confirmed, should also be treated with great care, for it is reported that dogs, cats, and other pets become sick after ingesting GM food. If human beings are negatively affected by modern agriculture, untold dire consequences will arise. People will suffer from diseases and the government will shoulder considerable medical bills. Worse, the society may become unstable and inharmonious.
From the above discussion, I can draw the conclusion that there are other more effective methods to address starvation. No matter how much food we produce, as long as corruption and wasteful use exist, there will always be starving people. Besides, a healthy natural environment is a basic requirement of our survival. We cannot increase food production at the expense of our environment, lest we are bound to suffer for our inconsideration and recklessness.
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