英語(yǔ)爆笑冷笑話9篇

　　下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話，希望對(duì)大家有幫助。

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話：

　　Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam."

　　"Don't trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied.

　　"Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," Tom said.

　　在期末考試之前，湯姆告訴他的母親：“媽媽，我昨天晚上做了一個(gè)夢(mèng)，夢(mèng)見(jiàn)我通過(guò)了今天的考試。”

　　“不要相信夢(mèng)，親愛(ài)的。據(jù)說(shuō)夢(mèng)中的經(jīng)歷通常與現(xiàn)實(shí)相反。”媽媽答道。

　　“那么，我真希望在今晚的夢(mèng)中，我的其他功課都不及格。”湯姆說(shuō)。

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話：

　　A small boy leading a donkey passed by an Army camp. A couple of soldiers wanted to have some fun with the lad(少年，小伙子) . What are you holding onto your brother so tight for, sonny? asked one of them.

　　So he won't join the army, the youngster replied without blinking an eye.

　　一個(gè)小男孩牽著頭驢子穿過(guò)部隊(duì)營(yíng)房。兩名士兵想跟小家伙開(kāi)個(gè)玩笑：小孩，你把你哥哥牽得這么緊干什么?

　　這樣，他就不會(huì)去參軍了。小家伙眼都不眨地回答道。

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話：

　　Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?

　　Student: Big hands.

　　老師：如果我左手上有7個(gè)桔子，右手上有8個(gè)桔子。那么我有什么?

　　學(xué)生：大手。

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話：

　　When Jack bowed to someone, he always did it at lightening speed. You shouldn't wait any longer after he has had his head nod. So he was blamed for no manners. Then some warmhearted men taught him, When you bow to somebody next time, you can count 'January, February, March. until December. Then you can lift your body up. Thus, the ceremony will be perfect.

　　The next day, he met his uncle, he did as the men told him. The bow was so long that it made his uncle feel surprised and escaped away soon . When Jack looked up, he found his uncle gone . So he asked the passer, Which month did he go away?

　　杰克給人鞠躬，飛快地一點(diǎn)頭，就算完了。大家都怪他不懂禮貌。于是便有好心的人教他說(shuō)，下次鞠躬的時(shí)候，你就在心里數(shù)：一月、二月、……一直數(shù)到十二月為止，然后再直起身來(lái)。這樣，禮節(jié)就周全了。

　　第二天，杰克見(jiàn)到他的叔叔，他便如法炮制。這躬鞠得太久，叔叔吃了一驚，趕緊逃開(kāi)了。杰克抬頭一看，其叔早已不知去向，他便問(wèn)過(guò)路人：我叔叔幾月走的?

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話：

　　The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled. His father knew it, but his grandma doted on(溺愛(ài)，寵愛(ài)) him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(亂發(fā)脾氣) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.

　　When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door. "Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? Did you cry?"

　　"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"

　　六歲的約翰嬌生慣養(yǎng)。他的父親知道這一點(diǎn)，可他的祖父母仍然寵著他。這孩子幾乎寸步不離他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是鬧。

　　他第一天上學(xué)才離開(kāi)祖母的懷抱。約翰放學(xué)了，他奶奶在門(mén)口接他并問(wèn)道：“學(xué)校怎么樣?你過(guò)的好嗎?哭了沒(méi)有?”

　　“哭?”約翰問(wèn)，“不，我沒(méi)哭，可老師哭了。”

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話：

　　A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

　　Little Johnny then stood up.

　　The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"

　　"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

　　一個(gè)老師在對(duì)學(xué)生們講心理學(xué)，“誰(shuí)認(rèn)為自己蠢就站起來(lái)?”她一開(kāi)始就說(shuō)。

　　小約翰尼站了起來(lái)。

　　“你認(rèn)為你很蠢嗎，小約翰尼?”老師問(wèn)。

　　“不是的，老師，我只是不喜歡看你一個(gè)人站著。”

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話：

　　Returning from a golf outing(遠(yuǎn)足，短途旅行) , my husband was greeted at the door by Sara, our four-year-old daughter. Daddy, who won the golf game? You or Uncle Richie?

　　Uncle Richie and I don't play golf to win, my husband hedged(避免作正面答復(fù)) . We just play to have fun.

　　Undaunted, Sare said, Okay, Daddy, who had more fun?

　　丈夫打完高爾夫球回來(lái)，我們四歲的女兒莎拉在門(mén)口迎了上去。爸爸，誰(shuí)贏了高爾夫球比賽，是你還是理查叔叔?

　　我和理查叔叔打高爾夫球不是為贏，丈夫推諉說(shuō)。我們打球只是為了好玩而已。

　　莎拉毫不氣餒，又問(wèn)：那么，爸爸，誰(shuí)覺(jué)得更好玩呢?

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話：If I Am a Manager

　　One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition – if I Am a Manager.

　　All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason.

　　“I am waiting for my secretary,” was the boy’s answer.

　　一天課上，老師要同學(xué)們以“如果我是一個(gè)經(jīng)理”為題寫(xiě)一篇作文。

　　所有的學(xué)生都在動(dòng)筆寫(xiě)了，只有一個(gè)男生例外。老師走過(guò)去問(wèn)他為什么不寫(xiě)。

　　“我在等我的秘書(shū)”。那孩子答道。

　　英語(yǔ)爆笑笑話：Isn’t it wonderful?

　　"What are you so happy about?"a woman asked the 98-year-old man.

　　"I broke a mirror," he replied.

　　"But that means seven years of bad luck."

　　"I know." he said, beaming,"Isn’t it wonderful?"

　　這難道不好嗎?

　　“你高興什么?”一個(gè)女士問(wèn)一個(gè)98歲的老人。

　　“我打碎了一個(gè)鏡子。”他回答。

　　“但那預(yù)示著7年的壞運(yùn)氣。”

　　“我知道。”他高興地說(shuō)，“這難道不好嗎?”