英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話

英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話

　　一個(gè)成功的笑話能流傳千古，聽者和講者都會(huì)感到快樂、欣喜，拍掌叫好!下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話一：the important of a second language

　　A cat and her four kittens ran into a large dog. When the kittens cowered, the cat let out a series of loud barks, scaring the dog away.

　　Turning to her kittens, the cat said, "You see how important it is to know a second language."

　　一天，一只貓媽媽領(lǐng)著4只小貓?jiān)诼飞献撸瑓s遇到了一只大狗。小貓們嚇的蜷縮成了一團(tuán)，這時(shí)貓媽媽吼出了一連串的汪汪聲，大狗被嚇跑了。貓媽媽轉(zhuǎn)過(guò)身來(lái)對(duì)幾個(gè)小貓說(shuō)，“孩子們，看看掌握一門外語(yǔ)是多么的重要呀!”

　　英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話二：Easy or Not

　　Pulling alongside our drive-up bank window, a woman was not happy with her position. So she backed up and pulled closer. Still not satisfied, she backed away and tried again. After five attempts, she finally parked the car and rolled down her window. I greeted her with a simple "Good morning".

　　"Good morning," she replied cheerfully. "I'm going to have to use this drive-up all the time. It's so easy!"

　　一位婦女把車沿著我們銀行的驅(qū)車直達(dá)窗口開過(guò)來(lái)，可她并不滿意于她停的位置。因此她倒車，靠得更近點(diǎn)。還是不滿意，倒車，再來(lái)。五次努力后，終于她把車停下來(lái)，搖下車窗。我簡(jiǎn)單地問(wèn)候她一聲“早上好”。

　　“早上好，”她愉快地回答說(shuō)，“以后我都要使用這種驅(qū)車直達(dá)窗口。真是如此的方便。”

　　英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話三：假如我是一個(gè)經(jīng)理

　　One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition – If I Am a Manager.All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason.I am waiting for my secretary, was the boy’s answer.

　　一天課上，老師要同學(xué)們以如果我是一個(gè)經(jīng)理為題寫一篇作文。所有的學(xué)生都在動(dòng)筆寫了，只有一個(gè)男生例外。老師走過(guò)去問(wèn)他為什么不寫。我在等我的秘書。那孩子答道。

　　英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話四：A Life for a Life(以“命”抵命)

　　The English author，Richard Savage，was once living in London in great poverty.In order to earn a little money he hadwritten the story of his life，but not many copies of the bookhad been sold in the shops，and Savage was living from hand tomouth.As a result of his lack of food he became very ill，butafter a time，owing to the skill of the doctor who had lookedafter him，he got well again.After a week or two the doctorsent a bill to Savage for his visits， but poor Savage hadn't anymoney and couldn't pay it.The doctor waited for another month and sent the bill again. But still no money came. Afterseveral weeks he sent it to him again asking for his money.Inthe end he came to Savage's house and asked him for payment，saying to Savage，“You know you owe your life to me and Iexpected some gratitude from you.” “I agree，” said Savage，“that I owe my life to you， and toprove to you that I am not ungrateful for your work I will givemy life to you.”With these words he handed to him two volumes entitled，The life of Richard Savage.

　　英國(guó)作家理查德·薩維奇一度在倫敦過(guò)著貧困潦倒的生活，為了賺幾個(gè)錢，他曾寫了有關(guān)他自己生平的故事。但是這部書在書店里并沒有賣出幾本，薩維奇過(guò)著朝不保夕的日子。由于缺乏食物，他病得很厲害。后來(lái)，由于給他治療的那個(gè)醫(yī)生的高明醫(yī)術(shù)，他才又恢復(fù)了健康。過(guò)了一兩個(gè)星期之后，醫(yī)生給薩維奇送來(lái)了一張討要診費(fèi)的帳單，但是貧窮的薩維奇沒有錢來(lái)償付。醫(yī)生等了一個(gè)月后又送來(lái)了帳單，但仍然未索回分文。幾個(gè)星期之后，他又送來(lái)帳單要錢。最后，醫(yī)生本人來(lái)到了薩維奇的家中，對(duì)他說(shuō)：“你明白，你是欠我一條命的，我希望你有所報(bào)答。” “是的，”薩維奇說(shuō)，“我是欠你一條命，為了向你證明我對(duì)你的診治不是不報(bào)答，我將把我的命給你。” 說(shuō)著這番話，薩維奇遞給醫(yī)生兩卷書，名叫《理查德·薩維奇的一生》。

　　英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話五：What Was It She Wanted?

　　A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer.“No，ma’am， we haven't had any for a while， and it doesn't look asif we'll be getting soon.” Horrified，the manager came runningover to the customer and said，“Of course， we'll have somesoon， We placed an order last week.” Then the manager drewthe clerk aside：“Never， never， never say we are out of anything—say we've got it on order and it's coming. Now whatwas it she wanted?” “Rain.” said the clerk.

　　一個(gè)商店經(jīng)理聽見一個(gè)店員對(duì)顧客說(shuō)：“不，夫人，這會(huì)兒沒有，一時(shí)半會(huì)兒看來(lái)也不會(huì)有。”經(jīng)理驚恐萬(wàn)分地跑到顧客跟前說(shuō)：“當(dāng)然，馬上就會(huì)有的。我們上周訂了貨。”然后經(jīng)理把店員拉到一邊：“千萬(wàn)，千萬(wàn)，千萬(wàn)不要說(shuō)我們沒有什么——說(shuō)我們已經(jīng)訂了貨，貨馬上就到?，F(xiàn)在你說(shuō)她要買什么?” “雨，”店員說(shuō)。

　　英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話六：A preacher is buying a parrot 傳教士買鸚鵡

　　A preacher is buying a parrot

　　Are you sure it doesnt scream, yell, or swear? asked the preacher.

　　Oh absolutely. Its a religious parrot, the storekeeper assures him.

　　Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lords prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm.

　　Wonderful! says the preacher, but what happens if you pull both strings?

　　I fall off my perch, you stupid fool! screeched the parrot.

　　一個(gè)傳教士在買鸚鵡

　　“你確信它不會(huì)尖叫，大叫或詛咒別人嗎?”傳教士問(wèn)。

　　“哦，絕對(duì)不會(huì)。它是一只虔誠(chéng)的鸚鵡。”店主保證說(shuō)。

　　“你看見它腿上的這些細(xì)繩了嗎?當(dāng)你拉動(dòng)右面的這根，它會(huì)背誦天主經(jīng)，當(dāng)你拉動(dòng)左面的那根，它會(huì)背誦贊美詩(shī)”

　　“太棒了!”傳教士說(shuō)，“但是如果我同時(shí)拉動(dòng)兩條繩子，會(huì)發(fā)生什么呢?”

　　“我會(huì)從樹干上掉下去的，你這個(gè)笨蛋!”鸚鵡尖聲說(shuō)道。