英語爆笑笑話5篇

　　笑話是指以一句短語或一個(gè)小故事讓說話者和聽者之間覺得好笑，或是產(chǎn)生幽默感，另外一個(gè)行動(dòng)(動(dòng)作)型的笑話是以動(dòng)作影響人的視覺及觀感，而感到好笑。下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的一些英文爆笑笑話， 希望對(duì)大家有幫助。

　　拿破侖病了

　　Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year."He's a good boy," said Jack's father, "and if you let him pass this time, I'm sure he'll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well.""No, no, that's quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn't know!""Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack's father. "You see, I'm afraid we don't take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill."

　　杰克到一所大學(xué)去學(xué)歷史。第一學(xué)期結(jié)束時(shí)，歷史課教授沒讓他及格，校讓他退學(xué)。然而，杰克的父親決定去見教授，強(qiáng)烈要求讓杰克繼續(xù)來年的學(xué)業(yè)。“他是個(gè)好孩子，”杰克的父親說，“您要是讓他這次及格，我相信他明年會(huì)有很大進(jìn)步，學(xué)期結(jié)束時(shí)，他一定會(huì)考好的。”“不，不，那不可能，”教授馬上回答，“你知道嗎?上個(gè)月我問他拿破侖什么時(shí)候死的，他都不知道。”“先生，請(qǐng)?jiān)俳o他一次機(jī)會(huì)吧。”杰克的父親說，“你不知道，恐怕是因?yàn)槲覀兗覜]有訂報(bào)紙，我們家的人連拿破侖病了都不知道。”

　　a King from a Knave

　　George Ⅲ asked the once wellknown wit, Horne Tooke,whether he could play cards.Your Majesty, replied Tooke, I am a mere childwhere cards are concerned. I cannot even tell a King from a Knave.

　　喬治三世問一度大名鼎鼎的才子霍恩·圖克，會(huì)不會(huì)玩紙牌。陛下，圖克回答說：在玩紙牌方面，我只不過是幼兒園的水平。我甚至分不清國(guó)王和無賴。

　　婚禮上有長(zhǎng)官在

　　A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street. "But officer," the man said, "I can explain.""Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to put you in jail until the chief gets back.""But ,officer, I ….""I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!"A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "You are lucky because the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back.""Are you sure?" answered the man in the cell. "I'm the groom."

　　大街上的一個(gè)超速駕駛者被警察攔住了。“但是警官”這個(gè)人說道，“我可以解釋的”。“保持安靜”，警察突然說道。“我將把你送往監(jiān)獄，直到長(zhǎng)官回來。“但是，警察，我……”。“我說過了保持安靜，你要到監(jiān)獄了。”幾小時(shí)后，警察向監(jiān)獄里看了看說道“算你運(yùn)氣好，因?yàn)槲覀兊拈L(zhǎng)官正在他女兒的婚禮上。他將帶著一個(gè)愉快的心情回來的。”“你確定”在牢房里的這個(gè)人說道。“我就是新郎呀”。

　　誰欠誰錢

　　A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely." "Then you owe me .50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today." The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for .50. Several days later, the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer: 0 due for a consultation.

　　律師的狗，沒有拴而到處閑逛，它來到一家肉店，偷走了一塊 烤肉。店主來到律師的辦公室，問道“如果一條沒栓的狗從我的商店里偷了塊肉，我有權(quán)利從狗的主人那里要回?fù)p失嗎?律師答道：“完全可以”，“那你欠我 8.50美元，你的狗沒栓而且今天從我的店里頭了塊肉”，律師什么都沒說，馬上給他寫了一張支票。一些天后，店主打開郵箱，發(fā)現(xiàn)一封來自律師的信，信上寫 道：咨詢費(fèi)250美元。

　　Goethe's ToleranceGoe

　　the was once strolling on a narrow path in a park in Weimar. As luck would have it, he met with a critic who was hostile to him. Both of them stopped, staring at each other. Then the critic said, I'll never make way for a fool. But I will, with that Goethe retreated aside.

　　一次，歌德正在魏瑪一個(gè)公園的一條狹窄小道上散步，碰巧他遇見一個(gè)對(duì)他懷有敵意的評(píng)論家。兩人都停了下來，彼此相互對(duì)視。接著評(píng)論家說道：我從來不給傻瓜讓路。 可我給，說完歌德退到了一邊。

　　Good Sight

　　Lawyer: You say you were about thirty-five feet away from the scene of the accident? Just how far can you see clearly?Witness: Well, when I wake up in the morning I see the sun, and they tell me it's about ninety-three million miles away.

　　律師：你說你離事故現(xiàn)場(chǎng)約有35英尺，你能看清多遠(yuǎn)的東西?證人：這么說吧，早上起床后我看見太陽，別人告訴我這大約有9300萬英里遠(yuǎn)。