英語爆笑笑話
英語爆笑笑話
英語笑話是指以一句英文短語或一個英文故事讓說話者和聽者之間覺得好笑,或是產(chǎn)生幽默感,笑話是一種經(jīng)過藝術加工的語言形式,是藝術化的語言。下面是學習啦小編整理的英語爆笑笑話，歡迎大家閱讀!
英語笑話一：
One day in a drawing class, the teacher told the class to draw an abstract(抽象的) drawing. After a while, a small boy turned his drawing in . The teacher look at it but saw nothing ,only a piece of white paper.
一天美術課上，老師要同學們畫一幅抽象畫，一會功夫，一個小男孩交了他的作品，老師看了看，可上面什么也沒有，只不過是一張白紙。
"What did you draw?" said the teacher.
“你畫的是什么?”老師說
"A cow eats grass," the boy answered.
“牛吃草。”孩子達答道。
"Where is the grass?"
“草呢?”
"The cow has eaten it up," replied the boy.
“牛把它吃光了。”孩子說
"Well, but where is the cow?" the teacher asked again.
“那么，牛仔哪兒呢?”老師又問。
"It ate up the grass and then went away to drink water."
“吃完草，牛喝水去了”
英語笑話二：
Dating for Mother 約會
When the young waitress in the café in Tom’s building started waving hello everyday. Tom was flattered, for she was at least 15 years younger than he. One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again. When Tom strolled over, she asked, "Are you single?"
"Why, yes," Tom replied, smiling at her broadly.
"So is my mom," she said. "Would you like to meet her?"
約會
在湯姆工作的大樓里有一個咖啡屋，那兒總有一位小姐每天都和他打招呼。湯姆有些受寵若驚，因為這位小姐看上去至少比他年輕15歲。一天她又對湯姆招手并示意湯姆過去。于是湯姆走了過去。她問道，“您現(xiàn)在是單身嗎?” “對，是單身，”湯姆滿臉堆笑的說。 “我母親也是，”她說，“您愿不愿意見見她?”
英語笑話三：
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!", he whined.
"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"
一個律師打開他的寶馬車門，突然一輛汽車駛過來把門撞飛了，警察趕到現(xiàn)場，律師正痛苦地抱怨毀壞了他心愛的寶馬。
“警察同志，看看他們把我的車弄的!!!”律師哀怨地說。
“你們律師真是物質至上，我很不舒服!”警察反駁說，“你這么關心你可惡的寶馬，你可能沒有注意到你的左胳膊也沒了。”
律師終于注意到了血淋淋的左肩膀，“天哪，我的勞力士手表在哪兒?”
英語小笑話四：買帽子
A lady went to a hat shop to buy a hat. As she was very fussy, it took her a long time to pick on one。
Already at the end of his patience the salesman was afraid that she might change her mind again so he tried to flatter her: "An excellent choice, madam.You look at least ten years younger with this hat on!"
To his dismay, the lady took off her hat at once and said: "I don't want a hat that makes me look ten years older as soon as I take it off. Show me some more hats!"
一位婦女到一家帽子店買帽子。她很挑剔，用了很長時間才選好了一頂。
已經(jīng)忍耐到極限的售貨員害怕她再改變主意，便恭維她：“你做了極好的選擇，夫人。你戴上這頂帽子看上去起碼年輕十歲!”
但令他沮喪的是，這位女士馬上摘下了她的帽子說：“我不想要一頂摘下來便使我立刻顯得老十歲的帽子。多拿一些帽子給我看看!”
英語笑話五：
1、The mean man's party
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?
吝嗇鬼請客
一個出了名的吝嗇鬼終于決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎么找到他家時說：“你上到五樓，找中間那個門，然后用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了之后，再用你的腳把門推開。”
“為什么要用我的肘和腳呢?”
“你的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪，你總不會空著手來吧?”吝嗇鬼回答。
英語笑話六：
2、I think that I'm a chicken
Psychiatrist: What's your problem?
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!
精神病醫(yī)師：你哪里不舒服?
病人：我認為我是一只雞。
精神病醫(yī)師：這種情況從什么時候開始的?
病人：從我還是一只蛋的時候開始。
英語笑話七：
3、Who Is the Laziest?
Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class?
Tom: I don't know, father.
Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?
Tom: Our teacher, father.
中文：
父親：哎，湯姆，今天我跟你們老師談過，現(xiàn)在我想問你個問題。你們班上誰最懶?
湯姆：我不知道，爸爸。
父親：啊，不對，你知道!想想看，當別的孩子們都在做作業(yè)、寫字時，誰在課堂上坐著，只是看人家做功課?
湯姆：我們老師，爸爸。
英語笑話八：
The frog青蛙
The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, “Now I'll show you this frog in my pocket.” He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich.
He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said, “That's funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch.”
青蛙
老師正在給學生上生物課：現(xiàn)在，我將要給你們看我袋子里的這只青蛙。接著，他把手伸進口袋，卻拿出了一份雞肉三文治。老師滿臉困惑地看了一眼，沉思了一會兒，說道：真奇怪。我明明記得我已經(jīng)把午飯吃掉了。
英語笑話九：
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一男子進入教堂和上帝對話.他問:"主啊, 一百萬美元對你意味著多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又問:"那一百萬年呢?"上帝說:"一秒鐘."最后男子請求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"上帝回答:"過一秒鐘."