英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典爆笑笑話(huà)
英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典爆笑笑話(huà)
下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典爆笑笑話(huà)，以供大家學(xué)習(xí)參考。
英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典爆笑笑話(huà)：老師哭了
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled. His father knew it, but his grandma doted on(溺愛(ài)，寵愛(ài)) him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(亂發(fā)脾氣) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door. "Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? Did you cry?""Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"
六歲的約翰嬌生慣養(yǎng)。他的父親知道這一點(diǎn)，可他的祖父母仍然寵著他。這孩子幾乎寸步不離他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是鬧。他第一天上學(xué)才離開(kāi)祖母的懷抱。約翰放學(xué)了，他奶奶在門(mén)口接他并問(wèn)道：“學(xué)校怎么樣?你過(guò)的好嗎?哭了沒(méi)有?”“哭?”約翰問(wèn)，“不，我沒(méi)哭，可老師哭了。”
英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典爆笑笑話(huà)：Goodbye, Money
On a trip to Disney World
in Florida, my husband and I and our two children devoted ourselves wholeheartedly to the wonders of this attraction. After three exhausting days, we headed for home.
As we drove away, our son waved and said, "Goodbye, Mickey."
Our daughter waved and said, "Goodbye, Minnie."
My husband waved, rather weakly, and said, "Goodbye, Money."
迪斯尼之旅 弗羅里達(dá)州的迪斯尼樂(lè)園是一個(gè)迷人的地方。一次我和丈夫以及兩個(gè)孩子前往旅游，我們?nèi)硇牡爻磷碓谒母鞣N奇觀之中。精疲力竭地玩了三天之后，我們要回家了。
當(dāng)我們驅(qū)車(chē)離開(kāi)時(shí)，兒子揮手說(shuō)：“再見(jiàn)，美奇。”
女兒揮著手說(shuō)，“再見(jiàn)，美妮。”
丈夫也有氣無(wú)力地?fù)]了揮手，說(shuō)道：“再見(jiàn)，美元。”
英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典爆笑笑話(huà)：A preacher is buying a parrot 傳教士買(mǎi)鸚鵡
A preacher is buying a parrot
Are you sure it doesnt scream, yell, or swear? asked the preacher.
Oh absolutely. Its a religious parrot, the storekeeper assures him.
Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lords prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm.
Wonderful! says the preacher, but what happens if you pull both strings?
I fall off my perch, you stupid fool! screeched the parrot.
一個(gè)傳教士在買(mǎi)鸚鵡
“你確信它不會(huì)尖叫，大叫或詛咒別人嗎?”傳教士問(wèn)。
“哦，絕對(duì)不會(huì)。它是一只虔誠(chéng)的鸚鵡。”店主保證說(shuō)。
“你看見(jiàn)它腿上的這些細(xì)繩了嗎?當(dāng)你拉動(dòng)右面的這根，它會(huì)背誦天主經(jīng)，當(dāng)你拉動(dòng)左面的那根，它會(huì)背誦贊美詩(shī)”
“太棒了!”傳教士說(shuō)，“但是如果我同時(shí)拉動(dòng)兩條繩子，會(huì)發(fā)生什么呢?”
“我會(huì)從樹(shù)干上掉下去的，你這個(gè)笨蛋!”鸚鵡尖聲說(shuō)道。
英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典爆笑笑話(huà)：What Was It She Wanted?
A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer.“No，ma’am， we haven't had any for a while， and it doesn't look asif we'll be getting soon.” Horrified，the manager came runningover to the customer and said，“Of course， we'll have somesoon， We placed an order last week.” Then the manager drewthe clerk aside：“Never， never， never say we are out of anything—say we've got it on order and it's coming. Now whatwas it she wanted?” “Rain.” said the clerk.
一個(gè)商店經(jīng)理聽(tīng)見(jiàn)一個(gè)店員對(duì)顧客說(shuō)：“不，夫人，這會(huì)兒沒(méi)有，一時(shí)半會(huì)兒看來(lái)也不會(huì)有。”經(jīng)理驚恐萬(wàn)分地跑到顧客跟前說(shuō)：“當(dāng)然，馬上就會(huì)有的。我們上周訂了貨。”然后經(jīng)理把店員拉到一邊：“千萬(wàn)，千萬(wàn)，千萬(wàn)不要說(shuō)我們沒(méi)有什么——說(shuō)我們已經(jīng)訂了貨，貨馬上就到?，F(xiàn)在你說(shuō)她要買(mǎi)什么?” “雨，”店員說(shuō)。
英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典爆笑笑話(huà)：Where It Should Be Plugged
A mother is very good at using every chance to educate his son, who was only three years old. One day, she took a plug and said to her son, " Look, there are two pieces of copper, so it must be plugged in a place where there are two holes. Where do you think it should be plugged?" She waited for an answer expectfully .
"Plug in nose." is the answer.
一位母親十分善于利用每一個(gè)機(jī)會(huì)對(duì)孩子進(jìn)行教育。她的兒子只有三歲。一天，她拿著一個(gè)插頭對(duì)兒子說(shuō)：“看，這里有兩個(gè)銅片，那它一定要插在有兩個(gè)孔的地方。你說(shuō)它應(yīng)該插在哪兒呢?”母親期待著兒子的回答。
“插在鼻子里!”兒子回答說(shuō)。
英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典爆笑笑話(huà)：One Engine Left
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a result." Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late." At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
一架747客機(jī)正在跨越大西洋時(shí)，喇叭里傳來(lái)了機(jī)長(zhǎng)的聲音：“旅客們請(qǐng)注意，我們的四個(gè)引擎中有一個(gè)丟失了。但剩下的三個(gè)引擎會(huì)把我們帶到倫敦的。只是我們要因此晚到一小時(shí) 。” 過(guò)了一會(huì)兒，旅客們又聽(tīng)到機(jī)長(zhǎng)的聲音：“各位，你們猜怎么啦 ?我們剛又掉了第三個(gè)引擎。但請(qǐng)你們相信好了。只有一個(gè)引擎我們也能飛，但要晚三個(gè)小時(shí)了。” 正在這時(shí)，一位乘客非常氣憤地說(shuō)：“看在上帝的份上，如果我們?cè)俚粢粋€(gè)引擎，我們就要整夜都要呆在天上了。”
英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典爆笑笑話(huà)：馬克·吐溫
On one occasion when Mark Twain arrived in London from New York，the Star thought the fact worth recording onits evening placard.But there was another piece of news to bementioned：it was about the Ascot Cup being stolen.Theplacard thus ran： MARK TWAIN ARRIVES. ASCOT CUP STOLEN. Mark Twain，we believe，never heard the last of it.
有一次，馬克·吐溫從紐約起程抵達(dá)倫敦訪(fǎng)問(wèn)，《星報(bào)》認(rèn)為這個(gè)消息值得登在它的晚招貼上。但是，還有一條消息也要登上：關(guān)于愛(ài)斯科杯被盜的消息。招貼是這樣寫(xiě)的： 馬克·吐溫 光臨 愛(ài)斯科杯 被盜 我們相信，馬克·吐溫從來(lái)也沒(méi)聽(tīng)說(shuō)過(guò)這件事。
英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典爆笑笑話(huà)：捎杯牛奶
At 2 a. m, Mrs. Culkin was convinced that she had heard a prowler in the living, room. "Tiptoe down-stairs," she told her husband. "Don' t turn on the lights. Sneak up him before he knows what's happening
Dutifully Mr. Culkin put on his robe. Just as he reached the bedroom door, his wife added, "And when you come back, bring me a glass of milk."
半夜兩點(diǎn)，科爾肯太太確信聽(tīng)到客廳有賊，便對(duì)丈夫說(shuō)：“別開(kāi)燈，躡手躡腳下樓，別讓賊發(fā)覺(jué)，悄悄靠近他。”
科爾肯先生披上外套，責(zé)無(wú)旁貸地去捉賊。剛走到臥室門(mén)口，他妻子又補(bǔ)充說(shuō)：“回來(lái)時(shí)給我捎杯牛奶。”
英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典爆笑笑話(huà)：Way of Inducing 招客有方
At the cleaner's, I noticed the sign "In by 10 a. m. , out by 5 p. m. " so I told the owner that I wanted to pick my clothing up at five. "it won't be ready," he said.
"But your sign says, 'In by 10 a. m. , out by 5 p. m.'," I reminded him.
"Oh," he replied, "that means me.
在洗衣店，我看到招牌上寫(xiě)著：“上午10點(diǎn)進(jìn)，下午5點(diǎn)出。”因此我就告訴店主我想在下午5點(diǎn)取衣。“下午5點(diǎn)還不能取，”他說(shuō)。 “但是你的牌子上寫(xiě)著：‘上午10點(diǎn)進(jìn)，下午5點(diǎn)出’，”我提醒他說(shuō)。
“哦，”他回答說(shuō)，“那指的是我。”
英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典爆笑笑話(huà)：An Exceptional Phenomenon(罕見(jiàn))
4-year-old Begin and his cousin scrambled (攀爬，爭(zhēng)搶) for toys. His mum told him: “ You are older brother because you’re older than your (cousin) sister. You should give ground to her. ” Begin thought a little but maintained(堅(jiān)持) : “ My sister must give ground to me when she grows older than I.” His uncle around overheard and said : “Such a thing hardly occurs.”
四歲的貝京和小妹妹爭(zhēng)玩具。媽媽對(duì)他說(shuō)：“你大，你是哥哥，要讓著小妹妹點(diǎn)兒。” 貝京想了想，堅(jiān)持說(shuō)：“等妹妹長(zhǎng)得比我大了，她也得讓著我。”姨夫在一旁聽(tīng)了說(shuō)：“這種情況相當(dāng)罕見(jiàn)。
英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典爆笑笑話(huà)：新生兒
The New Baby Mr.and Mrs.Taylor had a seven year old boy named Pat.Now Mrs.Taylor was expecting another child. Pat had seen babies in other people's houses and had not liked them very much，so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too. One evening Mr.and Mrs.Taylor were making plans for the baby's arrival.“This house won't be big enough for us all when the baby comes，”said Mr.Taylor. Pat came into the room just then and said，“What are you talking about?”“We were saying that we'll have to move to an other house now，because the new baby's coming，”his mother answered. “ It's no use，”said Pat hopelessly.“ He'll follow us there.”
泰勒夫婦有一個(gè)七歲的男孩，名叫帕特?，F(xiàn)在泰勒太太正懷著第二胎。 帕特在別人家看見(jiàn)過(guò)嬰兒，他不太喜歡他們，所以他對(duì)自己家里也將有一個(gè)嬰兒的消息感到不滿(mǎn)。 一天晚上，泰勒夫婦正在為這個(gè)嬰兒的降生計(jì)劃做安排。泰勒先生說(shuō)：“有了嬰兒，我們的房子就太小，不夠住了。” 帕特恰好在這個(gè)時(shí)候走進(jìn)屋，他問(wèn)：“你們?cè)谡f(shuō)什么?”他的母親回答說(shuō)：“我們?cè)谡f(shuō)我們現(xiàn)在得搬家，因?yàn)閶雰壕鸵Q生了。” “那沒(méi)用，”帕特絕望地說(shuō)。“他會(huì)跟我們到那兒去的。”
英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典爆笑笑話(huà)：超速的司機(jī)A Speeding Motorist
A highway patrol officer stopped a speeding motorist. "Don't you know what the blinking lights and siren mean?" he demanded.
"Yes, sir," replied the driver.
"Then why didn't you pull over immediately?"
"I would have, officer, " the man said. "But last month my wife ran off with a policeman, and I was afraid you were bringing her back.
一位公路巡警截住了一個(gè)超速司機(jī)。“難道你不知道閃爍燈和警笛的意思嗎?”他責(zé)問(wèn)道。
“知道，長(zhǎng)官，”司機(jī)回答說(shuō)。
“那你為什么不立即靠邊停車(chē)?”
“我本來(lái)想這樣做的，長(zhǎng)官。”那男子回答說(shuō)，“但上個(gè)月我妻子和一位警察私奔了，我是害怕你把她帶回來(lái)。”