一分鐘經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)笑話大全
幽默和笑話有概念上的區(qū)別,笑話是滑稽言談本身,幽默在這里則被作為心智和性情層面上的概念來(lái)看待。下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編帶來(lái)的一分鐘經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)笑話，歡迎閱讀!
一分鐘經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)笑話篇一
Who is uglier 誰(shuí)更丑
Abraham Lincoln, President of the United States, was not very handsome, and he knew.
One day, Lincoln was walking in the street when he was stopped by an ugly man. The man had apistol1 in his hand. He aimed at Lincoln's nose. Lincoln was very surprised, but he pretended to be calm. He asked the man, "What do you want, sir?"
"I have promised myself," said the man, "If I find a man who is uglier than I, I'll kill him."
Lincoln looked at the man's face carefully and said eagerly. "Please take aim at me, sir. If I was uglier than you, I would not want to live."
美國(guó)總統(tǒng)亞伯拉罕·林肯長(zhǎng)得不算英俊，這他自己也知道。
一天，林肯正在街上散步，這時(shí)他突然被一個(gè)丑人攔住了。那個(gè)人手中拿著槍?zhuān)闇?zhǔn)林肯的鼻子。林肯非常驚訝，但是他假裝鎮(zhèn)靜自若。他問(wèn)那個(gè)人：“先生，你想干什么?”
“我答應(yīng)過(guò)自己，”那個(gè)人說(shuō)，“如果我找到一個(gè)比我更丑的人，我就斃了他。”
林肯仔細(xì)端詳那個(gè)人的臉，急切地說(shuō)，“請(qǐng)瞄準(zhǔn)我吧，如果我比你更丑，我也不想活了。”
一分鐘經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)笑話篇二
A change of mind 回心轉(zhuǎn)意
Dear Susan:
Sweetie of my heart. I've been so desolate1 ever since I broke off our engagement.
Simply devastated2. Won't you please consider coming back to me? You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill. I can never meet another woman quite like you. I need you so much. Won't you forgive me and let us make a new beginning? I love you so much.
Yours always and truly.
P.s: Congratulations on you winning the state lottery3.
親愛(ài)的蘇姍：
我的小甜心。自從我解除與你的婚約后，我一直倍感孤獨(dú)凄涼，簡(jiǎn)直心力交瘁。
請(qǐng)你考慮回到我的身邊好嗎?你在我心目中的地位是任何女人都無(wú)法代替的。我再也不會(huì)遇到像你這樣的女人了。我是多么需要你呀。你能原諒我，讓我們重新開(kāi)始嗎?我是多么愛(ài)你啊。
始終屬于你，忠實(shí)于你的。
附注：恭喜你中了州彩票。
一分鐘經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)笑話篇三
She is on the Roof 她在屋頂上
Two brothers, Herbert and James, lived with their mother and a cat name Edgar.
"Edgar is dead," Herbert answered.
James was particularly attached to the cat, and when he had to leave town for several days, he left Herbert meticulous1 instructions about the pet's care. At the end of his first day away, James telephoned his brother. "How is Edgar?" he asked.
There was a pause. Then James said: "Herbert, you are insensitive. You know how close I was to Edgar-you should have broken the news to me slowly. When I asked about Edgar tonight, you should have said Edgar's on the roof, but you've called the fire department to get him down. And tomorrow when I called, you could have said the firemen were having trouble getting Edgar down, but you were hopeful they would succeed. Then when I called the third time, you could have told me that the firemen had done their best, but unfortunately Edgar had fallen off the roof and was at the veterinarian's. then when I called the last time, you could have said that although everything possible had been done for Edgar, he had died. That's the way a sensitive man would have told me about Edgar, and, oh, before I forget," James added, "How is mother?"
"Uh," Herbert said, pausing for a moment, "She is on the roof."
郝伯特和詹姆斯兄弟二人一起生活，家中有一老母并養(yǎng)了一只貓叫埃德加。
詹姆斯特別喜歡這只貓。有一次他要外出幾天，臨行前不厭其煩地囑咐郝伯特照顧好這只寵物。出門(mén)后的頭一天晚上，他打來(lái)電話詢問(wèn)：“埃德加好嗎?”
“它死了，”郝伯格回答。
一陣沉默之后，詹姆斯說(shuō)：“郝伯特，你太不善解人意了，你知道我與埃德加的關(guān)系有多么好——你應(yīng)該慢慢告訴我這驚人的消息。當(dāng)我問(wèn)起埃德加今晚怎樣時(shí)，你應(yīng)該說(shuō)埃德加爬上了屋頂，但是你已經(jīng)叫消防的救它下來(lái)。’我明天又給你打電話時(shí)，你應(yīng)該說(shuō)消防隊(duì)營(yíng)救埃德加遇到了麻煩，但你相信他們會(huì)成功。在我第三天給你打電話時(shí)，你可以說(shuō)消防隊(duì)員已盡了最大努力，但很不幸，埃德加從屋頂上掉了下來(lái)，現(xiàn)在正在獸醫(yī)那里。在我最后一次給你打電話詢問(wèn)，你可以說(shuō)盡管對(duì)埃德加做了一切所能做的努力，它還是死了。這是顧及別人感情的人應(yīng)該說(shuō)的。哦，對(duì)了，我剛才忘了問(wèn)你，”詹姆斯補(bǔ)充道，“媽媽怎么樣了?”
“哦……”一陣沉默后郝伯特答道，“她上了屋頂。”
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