好文章欣賞：膽怯，還在拖你的后腿嗎
好文章欣賞：膽怯，還在拖你的后腿嗎
摘錄：其實(shí)害羞和極度自我懷疑比你想象的要常見(jiàn)，它們拖住了成千上萬(wàn)個(gè)像你一樣的人的步伐，阻礙他們享受生活的刺激，干擾他們充實(shí)生活。但這并不意味你對(duì)其束手無(wú)策。膽怯也并非注定。世間沒(méi)有任何力量能夠阻止你發(fā)出耀眼的光芒。
好文章欣賞：膽怯，還在拖你的后腿嗎
Were you one of those shy kids clinging to your mom’s leg? Did you dodge attention, feel inferior and avoid being called out? Still doing that as an adult?
Shyness and overwhelming self-doubt are more common than you think, and they’re holding back millions of people just like you from living more exciting and fulfilling lives. But it doesn’t mean that you can’t destroy that terrifying fear that has been holding you back. You aren’t meant to be shy. And there is no reason you can’t shine in your own way.
From social gatherings, to business meetings, to your one-on-one relationships, if you want to break free from shyness, create better relationships and be more comfortable in your skin when you are around people then read on. There are time-tested techniques that have served me well in my personal life, as well as helping my clients. In a world where relationships are everything, you must set yourself apart and still stay true to who you are. Here is how to break free from shyness:
童年時(shí)你是否喜歡躲在媽媽身后?那時(shí)你是否害怕引人注意，被人一喊名字你就戰(zhàn)戰(zhàn)兢兢?成后年你還是那樣嗎?
其實(shí)害羞和極度自我懷疑比你想象的要常見(jiàn)，它們拖住了成千上萬(wàn)個(gè)像你一樣的人的步伐，阻礙他們享受生活的刺激，干擾他們充實(shí)生活。但這并不意味你對(duì)其束手無(wú)策。膽怯也并非注定。世間沒(méi)有任何力量能夠阻止你發(fā)出耀眼的光芒。
從社交聚會(huì)，到商務(wù)會(huì)議，再到二人關(guān)系，如果你想掙脫膽怯的繩索，打造更好的人際關(guān)系，或者想在人多的場(chǎng)合中感到舒適自在，那就繼續(xù)往下讀。我個(gè)人就有一些歷經(jīng)時(shí)間篩選的方式，它們適用于我，同時(shí)也幫助了我的客戶(hù)。在這個(gè)關(guān)系說(shuō)了算的時(shí)代，你必須在面面俱到的同時(shí)又不忘自我。以下就是克服羞怯的方式：
It’s more of a mindset than what you do.
膽怯只是心態(tài)問(wèn)題
From someone who has overcome overwhelming shyness and helps people gain more self-confidence to create more connection with other people, I’m about to break it down for you. What you are about to learn is the mindset of people who stand out, go after what they want and have great relationships.
作為一個(gè)克服了自我膽怯并且成功幫助他人獲得社交自信的過(guò)來(lái)人，我也將助你攻克難關(guān)。你需要學(xué)習(xí)那些出眾的人的心態(tài)，看他們有哪些需求，又是怎樣建立了廣泛的人脈資源。
This is a state of mind that if adapted will help you in your love life, your career, your health and your spiritual life.
如果你掌握了這種心態(tài)，那你的愛(ài)情、事業(yè)、健康和精神世界都將得到幫助。
What are some limiting beliefs about yourself that you currently hold that need to be changed?
至今你有哪些局限的思維需要改變?
Set realistic expectations.
樹(shù)立實(shí)際期望
Everyone wants something different. One person may want to be on stage, whereas someone else may just want to be comfortable on a date or in a business meeting.
每個(gè)人都想有所作為。有人渴望萬(wàn)眾矚目，也有人期待一場(chǎng)快樂(lè)的約會(huì)或者會(huì)議。
As you learn these techniques and insights, it is important to be very clear about what you want and what it looks like. The goal here is to get you to feel good about being who you are and connecting with people.
你要掌握這些技巧和洞察力，因?yàn)槟愕们宄约合胍裁矗宄切┛释窃鯓拥那樾?。這個(gè)目的在于讓你自信地做自己也能自信地與人交往。
Everyone has a different expectation when it comes to what they want and how they want to feel when they connect to people.
說(shuō)到與人打交道和其目的時(shí)，每個(gè)人都有不同的期許。
What do you want? How do you want to feel when you are around people? What does that look like for you?
你的目的是什么?當(dāng)你與別人在一起時(shí)你是作何感受?而你又是怎樣的狀態(tài)?
Focus on sharing.
注意分享
By far, the most effective technique in overcoming shyness is to switch your consciousness from you to them.
目前為止，克服膽怯最為有效的方式就是將自我意識(shí)轉(zhuǎn)移到他人身上。
Remember the last time you were in a situation and you were nervous or shy? I’d be willing to bet you were focusing on yourself: how you looked, what you were going to say, or how different you were from everyone else.
還記得最近那個(gè)使你緊張或羞怯的場(chǎng)景嗎?我敢打賭你肯定是將注意力集中到自己身上了：你在乎自己的外表，關(guān)心要說(shuō)什么話或者如何做到與眾不同。
People that shine are focusing on delivering, serving and benefiting others in some way. They focus outward, not inward. Sure, it’s important to be aware of how you are being perceived, but people always remember how you make them feel. In order to make them feel good you must focus on sharing with them.
出眾的人都只注意與別人交流，為他人服務(wù)或幫助他人。他們看見(jiàn)的是外在事物而非自我感受。當(dāng)然，偶爾注意下別人對(duì)自己的看法也是有必要的，但人們往往只會(huì)記得你給他們的印象。所以為了讓對(duì)方有個(gè)好印象，你必須專(zhuān)注于分享。
Next time you are in an uncomfortable situation, shift your focus to someone else and ask yourself how you can help them or add value to their lives.
下次如果你處于別扭的情形中，就把自我身上的注意力轉(zhuǎn)到別人身上吧，并且問(wèn)問(wèn)自己怎樣才能幫助他們或者給他們的人生增添價(jià)值。
Be interested instead of trying to be interesting.
對(duì)周?chē)信d趣，而非讓周?chē)鷮?duì)你感興趣
Make the focus of every conversation about someone else at first. This will take the pressure off of you and make them feel significant. Asking questions and genuinely caring about what the person says immediately gets you out of your own head and makes the person feel special.
開(kāi)始要將注意力集中在和別人的每場(chǎng)對(duì)話中。這能減少壓力并且別人也能找到存在感。無(wú)論對(duì)方在談?wù)摵问?，你都要及時(shí)提點(diǎn)問(wèn)題并且由衷地關(guān)心，這樣才能避免你沉浸在自我的世界中，同時(shí)說(shuō)話的人也會(huì)感到有意義。
Be mindful not to interrogate, but simply show a curiosity about their world. Actually listen to their voice and less to that voice of doubt in your head.
注意不要去打斷別人，可以時(shí)不時(shí)地表現(xiàn)出你的好奇。要真正地聽(tīng)取對(duì)方的話，而不要在腦袋中質(zhì)疑內(nèi)容的正確與否。
Your outcome is to have the confidence to create more authentic relationships with people. In order to do that you must build a comfortable bond with them. When you discover more about someone, connect your similar interests to create that bond.
你的目的是有信心去建立更加牢靠的關(guān)系。為了做到這一點(diǎn)你必須在彼此間找到對(duì)味的話題。當(dāng)你更加了解一個(gè)人之后，你仍要興趣不減地繼續(xù)創(chuàng)造那種話題。
How will you start to be more interested in people? Will you ask them about their job, their taste in music, or an experience they had? Next time you do, seek for common interests to build a bond.
那你要怎樣才能做到對(duì)一個(gè)人更加感興趣呢?你會(huì)問(wèn)及他們的工作，音樂(lè)的品味或者曾有過(guò)的經(jīng)歷嗎?下次問(wèn)別人的時(shí)候，找一個(gè)共同感興趣的話題。
Embrace vulnerability.
擁抱脆弱
Trying to pretend that you are not nervous makes people nervous.
故作鎮(zhèn)定只會(huì)讓別人不淡定。
I was in a small workshop one time, shaking in my shoes. I just came right out and said, "You know what, you guys? This is my first time speaking in front of you and I’m terrified! Yikes!" Everyone opened up and started joking around. It broke the ice. I immediately felt more comfortable because I felt a part of them.
有一次在一個(gè)小車(chē)間里，我緊張得雙腳哆嗦。于是我就站了起來(lái)然后說(shuō)道，“伙計(jì)們，你們知道嗎?這是我第一次在大家面前發(fā)言，緊張死了!哎呀!”眾人聽(tīng)了都放開(kāi)了，接著開(kāi)始說(shuō)笑。尷尬的局面就這樣被打破。我瞬間覺(jué)得不忐忑了，因?yàn)檎业搅藲w屬感。
Brené Brown, an expert in vulnerability (yes, there is actually an expert in vulnerability), says that courage actually comes from vulnerability. Ironically, people actually find vulnerability endearing. It makes them want to protect you, it makes you human, and it makes you relatable.
布勒·布朗是脆弱專(zhuān)家(確實(shí)，真的有這種專(zhuān)家)，他說(shuō)勇氣實(shí)則源自脆弱?；氖?，人們事實(shí)上覺(jué)得脆弱是討喜的事。因?yàn)槟悄茏寗e人對(duì)你產(chǎn)生保護(hù)欲，而你也因此才具人性，這是能產(chǎn)生共鳴的特點(diǎn)。
Trust me, I hung out with the cool kids and the oddballs, too. They are all the same. Everyone freaks out at some time or another. Be vulnerable. It’s OK!
相信我，潮人和異類(lèi)我都接觸過(guò)。二者都一樣。但人們有時(shí)就是排斥其中之一。所以，脆弱沒(méi)什么大不了!