TED英文演講：你真正需要和誰(shuí)結(jié)婚
母親是妓女、酒鬼， 父親是皮條客和毒梟， 經(jīng)歷過20多個(gè)寄養(yǎng)家庭生活的演講者為了擺脫心理上怕被別人落下的陰影，在19歲的時(shí)候選擇通過婚姻來改變，但隨著一次次婚姻的失敗， 最終發(fā)現(xiàn)其實(shí)真正想要嫁的人是自己， 一個(gè)真實(shí)的完整的自己。下面是小編為大家收集關(guān)于TED英文演講：你真正需要和誰(shuí)結(jié)婚，歡迎借鑒參考。
演講者：Tracy Mcmillan特蕾西·麥克米倫
中英文演講稿
When I was growing up, there was this song we used to sing on the playground, and it went like this, “Tracy and so and so, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage.”And I’m like, OK, that’s it! That’s how you do life. That’s how you do a relationship. Love, marriage, baby carriage. OK, got it.
我小時(shí)候經(jīng)常唱這么一首歌：翠西和某某，坐在樹下，互相親吻，先是愛情，再是婚姻，最后生了寶寶，推在嬰兒車?yán)?，一家人其樂融融。感覺就像：“喔!原來如此，這就是生活，這就是感情呀。”愛情、婚姻、嬰兒車，這就是幻想的家庭的全部了。
And then I grew up, and this is what my life turned out to be. Slightly more complicated, right?Love, marriage, divorce, dry spells, love, marriage, co-parenting, another marriage, another divorce; you got the picture.
然而我長(zhǎng)大后，這才是我的真實(shí)生活：稍微復(fù)雜了一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)，相愛、結(jié)婚、離婚，單身，再度墜入愛河，又結(jié)婚，共同撫養(yǎng)孩子，又離婚;又結(jié)婚，又離婚……你可以想象。
So if you’re good at math and/or a fast reader, what you’ve got there is that I’ve been married three times. Yep, three, and divorced. What that’s supposed to mean is that I’m a total failure at relationships. And that is one way to look at it, but not the only way.
所以，你數(shù)學(xué)或是閱讀能力很好的話，你就會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)，我一共結(jié)了三次婚。對(duì)，三次，并且都離了。而這所應(yīng)該代表的就是，我在感情上妥妥的是個(gè)失敗者。從另一種角度看，確實(shí)如此，但也不是唯一的角度。
Because what I think really happened is that I kept marrying the wrong person. No, it’s not that I didn’t — it’s not that I chose bad guys. My first two husbands were amazing men who are now married to wonderful women who aren’t me. And my third husband, well, we’re friends on Facebook now. So, all is well that ends well, right?
因?yàn)樵谖已壑?，真正發(fā)生的事情就是我一直在和錯(cuò)誤的人結(jié)婚。和錯(cuò)誤的人結(jié)婚，并不代表我選擇了很差勁的對(duì)象，我的前兩任丈夫都是很棒的人?，F(xiàn)在也都娶了很棒的姑娘，雖然并不是我?，F(xiàn)在我的第三任丈夫是我的Facebook好友。結(jié)果一切都還好，是吧?
After the collapse of my third marriage in 2005, I realized that I’ve been marrying everyone in sight, except the one person that I really needed to marry in order to have a great relationship and that once I married that person, all of my relationships would be successes, even the failures. The so-called failures, actually.
在2005年，我第三次婚姻崩潰了以后，我意識(shí)到我為了有一段美好的感情，我?guī)缀鹾脱矍八械娜硕冀Y(jié)過婚，卻唯獨(dú)沒有嫁給那個(gè)我應(yīng)該嫁的人。而且，我一旦嫁給了那個(gè)人，我所有的感情都將是成功的,包括那些中途夭折的感情，也就是失敗。
Since we’re talking today about women inventing, I’m going to talk about inventing relationships. What I’ve found through a lot of trial and obviously, many, many, many errors, to be the thing that has transformed my life and love, and that is this idea of marrying yourself.
既然我們今天談?wù)摰氖桥说膭?chuàng)造，我就來說說創(chuàng)造感情吧。我從很多次經(jīng)歷中，很多很多的錯(cuò)誤中，所發(fā)現(xiàn)的道理，改變了我的人生觀和愛情觀，即嫁給自己。
So what does it mean to marry yourself? It’s a big idea. It is as big as marriage itself except, if I could just summarize it, it would be that you enter into a relationship with yourself and then you put a ring on it.
所以，嫁給自己是什么意思呢?這是一個(gè)大的觀念，幾乎和婚姻觀念等同，如果讓我總結(jié)一下的話，就是要和你自己處對(duì)象，然后嫁給你自己。
In other words, you commit to yourself fully.And then you build a relationship with yourself to the point where you realize that you’re whole right now, that there is no man, woman, job, circumstance that can happen to you that’s going to make you more whole because you already are. And this changes your life.
換句話說，就是向自己坦白一切，然后和自己建立關(guān)系，到了那一步，你就會(huì)意識(shí)到，你現(xiàn)在是完整的了。男人，女人，工作，環(huán)境，都將不會(huì)對(duì)你有任何影響。這些都不會(huì)使你更加完整，因?yàn)槟阋呀?jīng)是完整的了。這將改變你的人生。
By now, I’m sure at least some of you are wondering why you should be listening to a three-time divorcee talk about marriage? Even to herself. And I understand that.
Here’s what I have to say about that: what I’ve learned and my experience is that the places where you have the biggest challenges in your life become the places where you have the most to give if you do your inner work. I kind of want to say that again: the places where you have the biggest challenges are the places where you have the most to give.
到現(xiàn)在為止，我知道你們中間肯定有人在想，你們?yōu)槭裁匆犚粋€(gè)離過三次婚的女人講婚姻觀。甚至她自己也是這么想的。我理解這樣的想法。我對(duì)此想說的是，我從我的經(jīng)驗(yàn)所學(xué)到的，當(dāng)你改變你的內(nèi)在的時(shí)候，越是困難之處，越是要迎難而上。
So let me tell you a little bit about the person I truly needed to marry: myself.
那么讓我來講講那個(gè)我應(yīng)該嫁的人，也就是我自己。
I am from Minneapolis. Wooh! My mom was a prostitute and an alcoholic. She put me in foster care when I was three months old.My dad was a criminal; he was a drug dealer and a pimp with a heart of gold — actually, they both had hearts of gold — and he spent more or less my whole life in prison.
我來自明尼阿波利斯，我媽媽是一個(gè)妓女，而且有酒癮，在我三個(gè)月大的時(shí)候她就把我送到了寄養(yǎng)家庭。我的爸爸是一個(gè)罪犯，他是一個(gè)一心想賺錢的毒品走私犯和皮條客。其實(shí)他們倆都是一心想要錢的人。幾乎在我一生中的所有時(shí)間里，他們都在蹲監(jiān)獄。
And he just got out of prison after his most recent sentence which was 20 years.
Until the age of nine, I was probably in two dozen foster homes. The thing you need to know about this story — there are a lot of details, obviously — but the thing you need to know is that I came out of that childhood with one goal: to never be left. And the way I was going to do that is that I was going to get married. That was the way I was going to accomplish that goal.
他最近才服完20年監(jiān)禁從監(jiān)獄中出來，而我...在九歲以前，我在20多個(gè)寄養(yǎng)家庭中生活過。畢竟這里面有很多細(xì)節(jié)，你們只需要知道，從那樣的童年中走過來，我只有一個(gè)目標(biāo)，就是永遠(yuǎn)不被拋棄。而我達(dá)成這個(gè)目標(biāo)的途徑，將是結(jié)婚。這就是我為了達(dá)成這個(gè)目標(biāo)將會(huì)做的事情。
So I got married the first time to a guy I met when I was 17. We got married a couple of years later, when I was 19. He was a really good guy from a great family, he had an MBA. I mean, it was like, you know, marriage material. You know, I was thrilled. I was like, “I have a family. I belong somewhere. This is wonderful.”
所以，我和一個(gè)我17歲時(shí)候認(rèn)識(shí)的男人結(jié)了第一次婚，那時(shí)我19歲。他是一個(gè)很棒的男人，有著和睦的家庭，以及MBA的文憑。就像...你知道的，很適合的結(jié)婚對(duì)象。我當(dāng)時(shí)很驚喜，當(dāng)時(shí)就想著，我有家庭了，有歸屬了，真是太贊了。
And then after five years I left him. And then 10 years later, I got married again to another wonderful guy, who is the father of my now 16-years-old son. We still have a wonderful relationship. He is a really good guy.But after four years I left him, too.
但是，五年以后我就離開了他。接著，十年之后，我又結(jié)婚了。對(duì)象是另一個(gè)很棒的男人，也就是我現(xiàn)在16歲兒子的父親。我們現(xiàn)在關(guān)系也很好，因?yàn)樗娴氖且粋€(gè)很好的人。但是結(jié)婚四年以后，我還是離開了他。
And I am not proud to say that I did that, but in order to really marry yourself, you have to get sometimes very painfully honest with yourself about what it is that you’ve done. So I’m not proud of that.
我對(duì)此并不真正感到驕傲，但是為了真正的嫁給自己，你就要對(duì)自己誠(chéng)實(shí)，有時(shí)候甚至痛苦至極地面對(duì)自己已經(jīng)做過的事情。所以，我對(duì)此并不感到驕傲。
And then eight years later, I got married again, when I was 40, and I was like, “OK, this feels right!” Let me tell you what felt right to a girl who was in 24 foster homes: a guy who started to date after nine months of marriage; essentially, he started dating a 21-year-old girl.
八年之后，在我40歲的時(shí)候，我又結(jié)婚了。我當(dāng)時(shí)想著，這感覺真不錯(cuò)。讓我來說說什么會(huì)讓一個(gè)在24個(gè)寄養(yǎng)家庭中生活過的女孩兒感覺不錯(cuò)。一個(gè)在結(jié)婚后九周就開始約會(huì)的男人，重要的是，他開始和一個(gè)21歲的女孩兒約會(huì)。
OK, I mean, it would be funny, if it weren’t so tragic. You have to have a sense of — that is why we’re Facebook friends. So, here I am looking at this person that I just described with a terrible track record of relationships, and I’m like, “I’m supposed to marry her? This is the woman you want me to marry?”
我的意思是，如果不是這么悲慘的的話，還蠻有意思的。你會(huì)有種感覺，這也是我們倆現(xiàn)在還是Facebook好友的原因。所以，當(dāng)我從現(xiàn)在的角度再去看我剛剛說的這個(gè)有著劣跡斑斑的感情經(jīng)歷的女人，我的想法就像是，我真的要嫁給她嗎?這就是你想讓我嫁的人?
And the answer is yes. Because here is the deal: the thing about marrying yourself is not just like cohabitating. You’re not just going to date for a while and see how it turns out. You are going to do this till death do you part.
答案是，是的。因?yàn)榧藿o自己并不是像同居那樣，你不能約會(huì)一段時(shí)間再看情況做決定。你必須堅(jiān)持到最后直到死亡把你們分開。
You are going to take vows. So here are the vows.
你將宣誓，宣誓如下：
Number 1: you are going to marry yourself for richer or for poorer. This means you are going to love yourself right where you are. You don’t say to yourself,“When you get to the corner of Hollywood and Vine, then I will marry you.”You don’t say, “When you lose ten pounds, then I will love you.”And you don’t say, “If you hadn’t married that loser, I would love you, but since you did, I’m sorry, I think it’s over.”
When you marry yourself, you walk yourself down that aisle exactly where you are. And paradoxically, I found that loving myself exactly where I am is the only way to get where I am going.
第一，你將嫁給你自己，無論貧窮與富貴。意思是你將無條件地愛自己。你不能說「等你去了好萊塢和藤街，我才嫁給你」，你也不能說「等你瘦了十磅以后我才會(huì)愛你」，你更不能說「如果你沒有嫁給那個(gè)失敗者，我才會(huì)愛你。既然已經(jīng)嫁了，那么我覺得我們之間結(jié)束了」。當(dāng)你嫁給你自己的時(shí)候，你走過長(zhǎng)廊，走到你所在的位置。略微矛盾的地方在于，我發(fā)現(xiàn)愛那個(gè)就在原地的我是我走向目的地的唯一途徑。
Number 2: you are going to marry yourself for better or for worse. What this means is that most of us are willing to love ourselves for better, I mean, sure, I am having a great hair day today. I love me. That’s not what I am talking about.
I’m talking about for worse, you know, the big life disappointments. Maybe you don’t own a home, you didn’t get the career you wanted, maybe you didn’t graduate from college, maybe you didn’t get the relationship you wanted. Maybe it hasn’t turned out — maybe you fight with your mum, maybe you watch too much reality TV, whatever it is, it doesn’t matter anymore. Because when you marry yourself, you agree to stay with you no matter what.
第二，你將嫁給你自己，無論環(huán)境好與壞。這句話意思是，大部分人都會(huì)在更好的情況下愛自己，比如，我今天發(fā)型很贊，我愛我自己。這不是我要說的部分，我要說的是，在更壞的情況下，那種當(dāng)人生辜負(fù)了你的時(shí)候，可能你無家可歸，可能你沒有從事喜歡的事業(yè)，可能你沒有順利地大學(xué)畢業(yè)，可能你沒有找到想要的感情，可能事情沒法向你想的方向發(fā)展，可能你和媽媽吵架了，可能你看了太多太現(xiàn)實(shí)的電視劇。無論發(fā)生了什么，都不重要。因?yàn)?，?dāng)你嫁給了自己以后，你都將永遠(yuǎn)陪在自己身邊，不管發(fā)生什么。
Third, you marry yourself in sickness and in health. So what this means is that you forgive yourself for your mistakes. A mistake isn’t actually a failure unless you don’t learn from it and unless you don’t grow.There is a saying, “You ask for patience, and what you get is a line at the bank.”
第三，你將嫁給自己，無論生病與健康。這句話的意思是，你要原諒自己所犯過的錯(cuò)誤。錯(cuò)誤，并不代表失敗，除非你不懂得吸取教訓(xùn)，除非你不成長(zhǎng)。有句話是這樣說的，你想要耐心，得到的卻是在銀行排長(zhǎng)隊(duì)。
What that means is that life does not give you what you’ve asked for, it gives you the people, places, and situations that allow you to develop what you ask for.And the thing is if you don’t get it right the first time, life will give it to you again. Because life is very generous that way. It’s like I didn’t get it the first time, in the first marriage, and I didn’t get it the second time, maybe the third time I’ll get it.
也就是，生活不會(huì)給你你所想要的東西，它只會(huì)給你那些能讓你建立你所想要的東西的人物，地方，和狀況。并且，你知道，如果你第一次無法達(dá)成你想要的，生活會(huì)再給你一次機(jī)會(huì)。因?yàn)樯钤谀欠矫孢€是很慷慨的。
So inside that terrible experience of that third marriage, I learned something about “in sickness and in health”. What I learned is how to sit by my own bedside, and how to hold my own hand, and how to nurse myself, and how to comfort myself. And what I learned is that I am a person that I can count on.
就像，我在第一次婚姻中沒有得到想要的，在第二次婚姻中也沒有，但是，就像...也許我在第三次婚姻中可以得到我想要的呢。所以，在我糟心的第三次婚姻中，我從「無論生病還是健康」中學(xué)到很多。我學(xué)會(huì)了在自己的床邊，握著自己的手，照顧自己，安慰自己。我知道，我知道我是那個(gè)自己是那個(gè)可以依賴的人。
Last but not least, you marry yourself — when you marry yourself, it’s to have and to hold yourself. What does it mean to have and to hold? Well, I think it means that you love yourself the way you want someone else to love you.
最后，也同樣重要的是，你嫁給你自己。當(dāng)你嫁給自己的時(shí)候，就要擁有并掌握自己。那么，什么叫做「擁有并掌握自己」呢?我認(rèn)為它的意思是,你希望別人怎樣愛你，你就要像那樣愛你自己。
I had always been going through life with this sense of lack. I felt like I was kind of half a person, and that I was missing something. I went into my relationships hoping to solve this feeling that I had my entire life: that I wasn’t whole unless someone loved me.And the truth was that I wasn’t ever going to feel whole until I learned to love myself.
我的生活中，一直有這樣一種缺失感。我覺得我像是個(gè)半邊人，缺失了什么東西一樣。我開始了一段感情，希望能緩解我這一生都有的這種情緒，即：如果沒有人愛我，我就是不完整的。而事實(shí)卻是，如果我不學(xué)會(huì)愛我自己，我將永遠(yuǎn)無法感覺到自己是完整的。
So this business of marrying yourself transforms every area of your life: your business, family relationships, kids, social relationships, friends. Because when you marry yourself, this huge thing happens: you become able to love in this whole new way. You become able to love other people right where they are, for who they are, the same way you’re already loving yourself. And of course, this is what the world needs more of.
所以，嫁給自己這件事將改變你人生中的每個(gè)部分，你的生意，家庭關(guān)系，孩子，社交關(guān)系，朋友。因?yàn)樵谀慵藿o自己的時(shí)候，會(huì)發(fā)生很大的轉(zhuǎn)變，你將會(huì)以全新的方式去愛。你將會(huì)無條件地去愛別人，就像你愛自己的那樣。沒錯(cuò)，這世界就是需要更多這樣的愛。
So when I married myself, and I realized that I already had everything I needed, I started seeing it as my job to basically just light up my little corner of the world. That’s my new job. Because I don’t need anything, I already have it.
當(dāng)我嫁給自己的時(shí)候我就意識(shí)到，我已經(jīng)擁有了我所需要的一切。我開始把點(diǎn)亮我的小角落這件事情看做自己的工作，那就是我的新工作。因?yàn)槲椰F(xiàn)在并不需要什么。
So when I take meetings, it’s all about how can I help this person achieve her goal? When I’m in my social communities, it is like what can I bring to this that only I can bring?And when I go on dates, it is like how can I just discover another person maybe for just one hour which, of course, brings me a full circle.
所以，當(dāng)我開會(huì)的時(shí)候，我所想的就只有怎樣幫助她來完成她的目標(biāo)。在我的社交圈內(nèi)，我就會(huì)想，我能帶給這個(gè)人只有我能帶給他的東西嗎?而我在約會(huì)的時(shí)候，我就會(huì)想我能在一個(gè)小時(shí)內(nèi)了解對(duì)方多少呢?這樣就帶給我了一個(gè)良性循環(huán)。
Because people always asked me about my love life; they want to know.And you know, the answer is, I am still working on it. Aren’t we all? So this is where I am right now. About three months ago, I went on a first date. And about 30 minutes into the date, I found myself paying attention not to whether he liked me, but how I felt in his presence. I noticed that I was light, happy, and joking. And as I reflected on the date afterwards, I was like, “Wow, I got really excited! Look, this is how committed I am to myself.”
因?yàn)榇蠹铱偸菃栁业母星樯?，很八卦。答案是，我還在努力中。難道我們不都是嗎?所以，我現(xiàn)在的處境是這樣的，約三個(gè)月前，我和他第一次約會(huì)，這次約會(huì)中有30分鐘，我都在關(guān)注我在他的陪伴下的感受，而不是他是否喜歡我。我發(fā)現(xiàn)我當(dāng)時(shí)很放松，很開心。我在約會(huì)之后的反應(yīng)就像「我真是天興奮了，看，這就是向自己坦白真實(shí)的自己」。
I am not even on this date trying to get someone to like me. I am more interested in how I feel about me than how he feels about me, not because I am selfish, but because the only relationship I am ever going to have with another person is the one that I am already having with myself — just going to have it with them now.
So it turned out he liked me, and we are still together. It’s cool and amazing, but I’ve been married three times, so slow down.
我在這次約會(huì)上完全沒有努力去讓別人喜歡我，比起他怎么看我，我更關(guān)心的是我自己怎么看我。并不是因?yàn)槲易运?，而是因?yàn)槲ㄒ灰欢挝覍?huì)和別人擁有的感情就是我現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)和自己擁有的這種感情。從現(xiàn)在到今后都是如此。后來發(fā)現(xiàn)，他很喜歡我，我們也還在約會(huì)。這非?？嵋卜浅＜?dòng)人心，不過鑒于我已經(jīng)結(jié)了三次婚，所以還是慢點(diǎn)。
The thing is that I am not trying to get security from him through marriage, and, God forbid, a baby carriage. I am only here to just be in a relationship. I am not dying to hear the words, “Will you marry me?” Because even though those words are very powerful — and very powerful to a person like me — I don’t need them to hear it from him because I have already heard them from myself.
重點(diǎn)在于，我沒有想從他或者從婚姻中得到安全感，以及一個(gè)嬰兒車。我只是為了一段感情而來，我并不會(huì)迫不及待想聽到“你愿意嫁給我嗎?”。因?yàn)楸M管這樣的語(yǔ)言很有煽動(dòng)性，尤其是對(duì)于像我這樣的人。我也并不需要從他那里聽到這樣的話，因?yàn)槲乙呀?jīng)聽到自己這樣說過了。
The way I see it is like I took myself to the top of a mountain, or maybe to the bottom of the ocean, and I got down on one knee, and I said, “I’ll never leave you.”
And now I am married to the one person I really wanted to be with all along: myself.
在我的眼中，就像是我?guī)易约喝チ烁呱街畮p或者深海之底，我單膝跪下說“我永遠(yuǎn)都不會(huì)離開你”。現(xiàn)在，我終于嫁給了那個(gè)我一直想共度一生的人，我自己。
Thank you.
謝謝
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